I'm Jack's hindsight.

I had a dream I saw you in the park. You invited me back to your place and I accepted even though I knew it would end the same way it did every time before. You left me there in the sunshine I said I'd be by in a few hours, you said you'd be waiting for me.

I went to the building and walked up the first set of stairs. I ended up in someones apt. This is one strange building. There were no doors separating the tenants just stairs. I asked how to get to your place but no one gave me the right directions. I walked up a flight of stairs down another, I climbed a ladder to someones balcony where her whole family gathered. They were nice people, didn't even mind that I kept bothering them during prime-time tv.

I kept thinking of your face through the windows of your flat. You smiled and walked back in forth waiting. But I couldn't find my way.

When I finally got the right directions and a ladder of my own to reach your balcony, I woke up.

Was this my mind telling me, that you're not worth the time I spend trying to get to you? Because no matter what I'll always fail. Even if I try and get help and persevere it won't matter. I've tried time and time again to get to you but it's always been in vain. I know I'm truly done trying to win your heart and open your door.

I'd respectfully decline the ladder and ask if I could stay and watch old game shows with these nice people.

On the quest for lost love we meet the real people that care about us and will help us no matter what.  Even if it's a stranger offering some guidance and a ladder.

Simple and Pure

I really do think of you often. I just want to fall asleep with you next to me or in my arms. That's simple and pure. Just having an embrace, feeling your weight and your warmth. The slow rise and fall of your chest as you breathe in sleep. Watching your eyes ease open after a good dream. Then see you smile as you notice I'm smiling too, knowing that that's where you want to be, next to me. Vulnerable, yet safe and secure. Wrapped up in my arms. Warm and comfortable.

That's what I think about before I fall asleep every night.

Warm winter days

I see you reading a book bundled up, sipping on hot cocoa or coffee as snow softly falls outside. My writing desk is next to your easel in the study. The dog laying on the floor at your feet. It's peaceful. Serene.

Where am I?

A fire faintly crackles in the den. You shift slightly, you look at the clock on the wall then get up to refill your mug.

Where am I?

Am I outside cutting wood? Am I in town getting supplies? Am I at work?

All I know is wherever I am, I miss you. Do you miss me too? When you read your books? When you paint your pictures?

Maybe I can't see me because I need you to. Our visions need to intertwine to be real. What do you see?

Music and Me

I'm currently in a band called Kingdoms Burn and we are slowly working our way into a few songs. It's slow going because of my and my roommates schedules, since we are the only two in the band right now. It really sucks because both of us are adamant about creating this music but we hit so many walls lately about creating new things and making it good for our own liking and our meager amount of fans.

I also want to start an acoustic project with my friend but I haven't picked up a guitar, I'm the vocalist in both bands, in a couple years. So right now I've hit a lull in music creation and it's killing me. I have so many ideas and emotions I want to share with my friends through music but I feel as if I can't. As if the powers that be are against me.

I just need a little push I guess. I need to buy a guitar and a recording microphone. Hopefully this will happen this year, here's to hoping. :)

Fear. Love. You.

I'm afraid of the power you wield over me. Just by entering my life you've become a large part of it.

Without you in it I'd be lost for a while.

You have the power to build me up and tear me down.

I'm afraid of what path you'll choose.

Basement Ghost Crying

Part of me wants to slowly disappear into the darkness of my room. Fade away into nothing and be forgotten by everyone. Consumed by the shadows. It would be a painless transition from this world to the next.

However another part of me wants to escape this dark hole and embrace the sunlight.

The cold and dark of my room is comforting in a sad way. Wrapped up in old blankets as an old radio plays an old song. Lost in memories, slipping away from the present. Not wanting to move forward anymore.

The sunshine tries to breakthrough the covered windows to wake me, but they are held back and fail. Something needs to end this never ending cycle.

This isn't a plea just a confession. Loathing is comforting, darkness is solace, cold brings calm.