Eyes of White Fire

In writing my book I've come to realize how spiritual I am as a person. Now before you say, "Well Matt, You can't be spiritual you're an atheist." I would like to add I'm not spiritual in a SUPERNATURAL way. I believe in the human spirit that resides in us all. The spirit of hope, perseverance  creativity, motivation, joy, courage, and love. The power to dream and make it a reality. The burning desire inside us all. THIS is what I am spiritual about.
      So in my story I use symbolism and "magic" to illustrate this spirit. This curiosity and fervor that is within us all. I wish to instill a sense of spirituality with my writing even to those who might not know what being spiritualistic is.

I hope you enjoy the world I paint with my words because to me it is the most beautiful my minds eye has seen.

Nothing has changed; everything is different

You wake up one day and realize the sun still rises, the clock still ticks, the world still spins. Even though everything you held dear has left you the world goes on without a break. Never forget that you are important to a small group of people but the world will do just fine without you. Humbling yet saddening at the same time. Especially when the one's you love are gone from you.

At the edge of the earth.

Words can not describe the solace I find staring out into the distance. The bright light of the sun stretching over all that is. My heartbeat slows and I hear the whistle of the breeze, ever so slight, rustling the leaves, moving through me, calming me.

I breathe in the life all around me and the light inside grows.

I am one with the universe.

A sense of relief washes over me as I hear the sound of music. The world dances in front of my eyes, the tune ignites a fire in my soul.

I can breathe. I can see. I can feel. I am whole. This sight of beauty laid out before me brings me more joy than any riches could ever buy.

This is bliss, this is heaven. Standing at the edge of the earth.

Lost and Insecure

I'm torn in two. I yearn for your affections and yet I desire to live a life of solitude. I'm driven to the latter because the former is impossible to achieve. I longed for a future unattainable. Filled with smiles laughter and love. Now my future holds distance and numbness.

You are still chasing him and I'm chasing you. It's the law of love, to want what you can't have. I'd rewrite that law to have you with me but I know I'd fail. Fail as your savior, your lover, your happiness.

I'm me and you're you. I can't change your wants I can't change your needs I can't fulfill my own dreams. I hold this heart in a bloody fist waiting to hand it to you and have you accept it.

For now I'll encase my heart in ice and freeze the thought of you. Hide it from myself. For you are the fire that gives me light, hope, and warmth.

I'll bask in the warmth until it wains.

Thadius the Last

Roaring voices turned into whispers on the city streets. The slow churning of the city kicked up dust and smoke, choking the air making it hard to see and even harder to breath. A grey sky loomed, the sunlight punching through the cracks gasping for air like the rest. 

Nexus city Five. The largest city on Loken. 

A man sit still on the corner. Motionless against the back drop of the busyness that surrounded him. His eyes snapped open, the glow in his eye cut through the smog just enough to illuminate his worn face. He closed them again as they darted under his eyelids. He searched his memory for the image of his mother, Emarosa. She has been dead almost one hundred years. He could still remember her soft voice. "Thadius....... you're the last." His own thoughts were interrupted by the loud screech of the machines that spewed black death into the air. The tattered rag of a cloak the only thing shielding his lungs from the poison. His eyes opened again, the deep glow as if fueled by a tiny sun beamed then died out. Today was the beginning of the last ten days of Thadius' long life. One hundred twenty years on this dying planet.

Don't you lose him.........

I've realized a lot about myself over the passing months. I learn something new and things start to become less or more relevant to me. For instance I care less about having a relationship now then ever. I don't loathe my loneliness anymore, I accept it's inevitability.  So I've set my sights on things that can actually move me forward in this life.

I have my band that I'm working on, I've got my stories that I need to complete and share with people and I have my house.

People don't realize how much a place to yourself actually helps someone out. Living at home was hell but I had some money. Living on my own I'm constantly broke but I feel at peace for I only need worry about myself and my own well being and happiness. I haven't taken my medication in a week and I don't feel like i want to destroy everything I see.

I've started down a path that I can't see the end of but right now I'm content with the scenery.