I'd really like to cry. Cry for a good while. Let it all out.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Lost in the Fray (Pt. 2 The Ties that Bind.)
(click here for Part 1)
Julia? Doug stopped just short of a tombstone and stared. Julia was a girl in his class, blonde and beautiful, in Doug's eyes one of the "popular" kids. He had never really had a conversation with her before only ever in passing or not at all. He liked to keep to himself, it was easier that way.
Julia? Doug stopped just short of a tombstone and stared. Julia was a girl in his class, blonde and beautiful, in Doug's eyes one of the "popular" kids. He had never really had a conversation with her before only ever in passing or not at all. He liked to keep to himself, it was easier that way.
He just shrugged and kept walking to his grandfathers grave. He kept a small awareness of Julia, but didn't really care about the why of her presence there. It didn't really matter. Unfortunately he had to pass her to get to his granddad, hopefully, he thought, she wouldn't notice him like everyone else and just leave him alone.
As he passed by her she jumped up in shock, Doug almost fell from her surprise. She wiped her eyes and exclaimed, "What are you doing?"
Doug caught himself from falling over and huffed, he didn't want to talk to her.
"Why aren't you in school?" She seemed almost embarrassed that Doug saw her this way.
"I could ask you the same question, but I skipped and came here like I usually do." Doug stopped. Why did he say that? Just walk away, he thought, she can't stop you. He turned to keep walking but she kept talking at him.
"A smartass huh." She got angry all of a sudden. Doug paused as if to say something but didn't turn around. He didn't think he'd have to be dealing with people here. This really was starting to make his day even worse.
"Just forget about it," Doug sighed, "I'm not in the mood." He started to walk again. He could hear her coming up behind him.
"Stop dammit " She grabbed his arm. What was going through her head right now to treat me this way, he thought.
"What's your deal?" He brushed her off.
"You can't tell anyone you saw me here. Do you hear me?! No-one " He finally turned around and got a good look at her face. Her eyes were red and puffy, she'd been crying, a lot. Doug looked over her shoulder to the grave she was at. Who's over there, he wondered. As far as he knew both her parents were alive, no one at school had said anything about anyone dying recently.
"I don't understand." Doug just stood there uncomfortably wanting to walk away, but his curiosity finally took hold.
"Just please don't tell anyone." She wiped her eyes again, and waited for an answer of reassurance from him. He didn't owe her anything, but it's not like he had anyone to tell this to anyway even though to him it seemed rather bizarre.
"Sure. I won't tell anyone, can I go now?" He felt stupid asking this girl permission to leave like she was his mother. Just another reason he hated interacting with others.
"You better not." She turned around and stormed off. Why was she so angry by his presence? Was it just the fact he saw her crying? Or had he stumbled into some stupid drama? Doug turned around and huffed again. He hoped this little encounter wouldn't come back to bite him in the ass. Maybe he should have went to school today.
He made his way over to his grandfather and sat down and pulled out his notebook and CD player. He leaned up against the stone and started writing. His grandfather would always encourage his writing and read everything he wrote, he guessed that's why he felt good writing here.
An hour passed and Doug got up to stretch, when he did, he looked over to where Julia was before. His curiosity came back and he wanted to know who was buried over there that got her so emotional. He laid his stuff down and walked over, enjoying the warm sun and cool breeze. Maybe today isn't so bad after all, he smirked to himself.
The tombstone was nicer than his grandfather's but older. It had more wear from the harsh weather changes here. The Midwest was horrible for weather. He looked at the name, Harrison Delaney, same last name as Julia, her grandfather, he thought. Then he looked at the years, born 1968 died 2003.
"Her father..." Doug looked up, and wondered why it seemed no one else knew. Was she keeping it from everyone? It happened only three years ago, Doug would have remembered people talking about something like this.
"Must be why she told me not to tell anyone." Doug put his hands in his pockets and looked towards the gate. "Never thought I'd have something in common with a popular kid." He turned and walked back to his grandfather. Doug wondered if he should talk to her again. Maybe tomorrow he would. He sat back down and got back to writing.
As he passed by her she jumped up in shock, Doug almost fell from her surprise. She wiped her eyes and exclaimed, "What are you doing?"
Doug caught himself from falling over and huffed, he didn't want to talk to her.
"Why aren't you in school?" She seemed almost embarrassed that Doug saw her this way.
"I could ask you the same question, but I skipped and came here like I usually do." Doug stopped. Why did he say that? Just walk away, he thought, she can't stop you. He turned to keep walking but she kept talking at him.
"A smartass huh." She got angry all of a sudden. Doug paused as if to say something but didn't turn around. He didn't think he'd have to be dealing with people here. This really was starting to make his day even worse.
"Just forget about it," Doug sighed, "I'm not in the mood." He started to walk again. He could hear her coming up behind him.
"Stop dammit " She grabbed his arm. What was going through her head right now to treat me this way, he thought.
"What's your deal?" He brushed her off.
"You can't tell anyone you saw me here. Do you hear me?! No-one " He finally turned around and got a good look at her face. Her eyes were red and puffy, she'd been crying, a lot. Doug looked over her shoulder to the grave she was at. Who's over there, he wondered. As far as he knew both her parents were alive, no one at school had said anything about anyone dying recently.
"I don't understand." Doug just stood there uncomfortably wanting to walk away, but his curiosity finally took hold.
"Just please don't tell anyone." She wiped her eyes again, and waited for an answer of reassurance from him. He didn't owe her anything, but it's not like he had anyone to tell this to anyway even though to him it seemed rather bizarre.
"Sure. I won't tell anyone, can I go now?" He felt stupid asking this girl permission to leave like she was his mother. Just another reason he hated interacting with others.
"You better not." She turned around and stormed off. Why was she so angry by his presence? Was it just the fact he saw her crying? Or had he stumbled into some stupid drama? Doug turned around and huffed again. He hoped this little encounter wouldn't come back to bite him in the ass. Maybe he should have went to school today.
He made his way over to his grandfather and sat down and pulled out his notebook and CD player. He leaned up against the stone and started writing. His grandfather would always encourage his writing and read everything he wrote, he guessed that's why he felt good writing here.
An hour passed and Doug got up to stretch, when he did, he looked over to where Julia was before. His curiosity came back and he wanted to know who was buried over there that got her so emotional. He laid his stuff down and walked over, enjoying the warm sun and cool breeze. Maybe today isn't so bad after all, he smirked to himself.
The tombstone was nicer than his grandfather's but older. It had more wear from the harsh weather changes here. The Midwest was horrible for weather. He looked at the name, Harrison Delaney, same last name as Julia, her grandfather, he thought. Then he looked at the years, born 1968 died 2003.
"Her father..." Doug looked up, and wondered why it seemed no one else knew. Was she keeping it from everyone? It happened only three years ago, Doug would have remembered people talking about something like this.
"Must be why she told me not to tell anyone." Doug put his hands in his pockets and looked towards the gate. "Never thought I'd have something in common with a popular kid." He turned and walked back to his grandfather. Doug wondered if he should talk to her again. Maybe tomorrow he would. He sat back down and got back to writing.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Counting fish left in the sea.
The girl I loved has found another, the girl I liked has found a lover.
The girl I met has walked away, the girl I've known has nothing to say.
The girl I wish became a passing thought, the girl I had merely forgot.
The next girl I'll know will tear me apart, all these girls are destroying my heart.
The girl I met has walked away, the girl I've known has nothing to say.
The girl I wish became a passing thought, the girl I had merely forgot.
The next girl I'll know will tear me apart, all these girls are destroying my heart.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Lost in the Fray
Full of self loathing and a knack for degradation, Doug never had a problem with making himself feel worse. He had woken up late for school for the tenth time in two weeks. He knew he needed a new alarm but he couldn't get the motivation to purchase one. It didn't fall into his purchasing "essentials". That mostly consisted of snack food, new CDs and a book or notepad. Something that helped him escape or made him feel a little better.
His running late wasn't the thing that made him upset though, it was the fact he had anywhere to go at all. It was so troublesome to go to school everyday in his mind. He didn't care about the school work and only had one friend, Fred, that he could even stand.
So this morning he decided he'd just skip altogether and visit the graveyard on the edge of town. The only place he didn't feel completely hollow. Because he felt as alive as the people rotting away down there. They had something in common and it gave him a strange comfort. Plus his grandfather was buried there.
Doug made his way out of the house, past his older brother, Scott, his legal guardian, ever since their dad was taken to jail. Scott, was indifferent to Doug and his comings and goings, the bills had his full attention. So Doug slipped out like a ghost, unseen, unheard, unnoticed and headed across town with his notepad and CD player.
The attention Doug never received cut into him slowly like a dull knife under the weight of a 2 ton boulder. Crushing and cutting him. That's probably why he felt half alive most of the time. This giant boulder dull knife combo was draining him, but he has no way to combat it. He just sloths around letting it slowly consume him.
Thankfully though he felt less pressure at the Sunny Vale Gravesite. He didn't feel judged or unnoticed by the graves. He felt better. Mostly due to the proximity to his grandfather even if it was just his skeleton. He was the only person that gave a shit that he breathed.
Doug crossed the small town watching the folk bustle about. He never understood how people could put so much effort in doing things that cause stress. That's another reason why he hated school. It was his second year as a junior and he grew more and more tiresome of his tenure there. He failed first right after his grandfather died two years ago and he couldn't see any point in trying to pass.
"Douglas, your grades have been in the tank this past semester. How are things at home?" His English teacher, Mr. Goh pulled him aside. He was of Asian decent and had a grey beard. Doug liked him, mostly because he enjoyed Doug's stories.
"Things are fine, I guess. I must just be going through a phase." Doug always played off his problems, not wanting to be a bother since most people in his life couldn't care less about his issues.
Doug often thought about possible futures for himself on these excursions to the yard. Today he dreamt of living in a cabin, writing. Away from all these obligations and stress. And hopefully away from the pain.
He opened the gate to the graveyard as the future faded from his head. He'd just sit and talk to his grandfather and write. As he made his way up he smelled something sweet in the air. Perfume. Who else would be here at this time of day, he wondered. He slowly walked up the hill and caught a glimpse of a person sitting by a gravestone. Julia?
(Part 2)
His running late wasn't the thing that made him upset though, it was the fact he had anywhere to go at all. It was so troublesome to go to school everyday in his mind. He didn't care about the school work and only had one friend, Fred, that he could even stand.
So this morning he decided he'd just skip altogether and visit the graveyard on the edge of town. The only place he didn't feel completely hollow. Because he felt as alive as the people rotting away down there. They had something in common and it gave him a strange comfort. Plus his grandfather was buried there.
Doug made his way out of the house, past his older brother, Scott, his legal guardian, ever since their dad was taken to jail. Scott, was indifferent to Doug and his comings and goings, the bills had his full attention. So Doug slipped out like a ghost, unseen, unheard, unnoticed and headed across town with his notepad and CD player.
The attention Doug never received cut into him slowly like a dull knife under the weight of a 2 ton boulder. Crushing and cutting him. That's probably why he felt half alive most of the time. This giant boulder dull knife combo was draining him, but he has no way to combat it. He just sloths around letting it slowly consume him.
Thankfully though he felt less pressure at the Sunny Vale Gravesite. He didn't feel judged or unnoticed by the graves. He felt better. Mostly due to the proximity to his grandfather even if it was just his skeleton. He was the only person that gave a shit that he breathed.
Doug crossed the small town watching the folk bustle about. He never understood how people could put so much effort in doing things that cause stress. That's another reason why he hated school. It was his second year as a junior and he grew more and more tiresome of his tenure there. He failed first right after his grandfather died two years ago and he couldn't see any point in trying to pass.
"Douglas, your grades have been in the tank this past semester. How are things at home?" His English teacher, Mr. Goh pulled him aside. He was of Asian decent and had a grey beard. Doug liked him, mostly because he enjoyed Doug's stories.
"Things are fine, I guess. I must just be going through a phase." Doug always played off his problems, not wanting to be a bother since most people in his life couldn't care less about his issues.
Doug often thought about possible futures for himself on these excursions to the yard. Today he dreamt of living in a cabin, writing. Away from all these obligations and stress. And hopefully away from the pain.
He opened the gate to the graveyard as the future faded from his head. He'd just sit and talk to his grandfather and write. As he made his way up he smelled something sweet in the air. Perfume. Who else would be here at this time of day, he wondered. He slowly walked up the hill and caught a glimpse of a person sitting by a gravestone. Julia?
(Part 2)
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