Away from you all

When I woke up this morning all I cared about was being able to eat something and keep it in my stomach. Now at 10:12pm I don't feel much different. I don't feel the same way I did three days ago. I don't feel like the same person. I feel down and out. I'm feeling like I'm alone, and that I've been this way for a long time.

As if no one has really been with me at all. I imagine this as me walking down a road with everyone I've ever known walking beside, behind, and around me. This morning I opened my eyes and saw that no one was really there. Only my footprints made the path to where I am right now. All those other people were just an illusion. All the previous love I'd felt was gone, no inkling of friendship shown through, no feeling of good persisted.

I feel detached from everyone and it hurts. This is a type of depression I've never felt. Something I don't want to feel. Yet it all seems too true to me. As if being this way really shows how my life is right now. I am all alone, even though people say they are there. I am alone. With only my struggles, my downfall, my self destruction. I don't see a light, I don't feel the spark inside myself.

All I feel is pain, and the wanting to be away. Far away.