I'm tired of ex's and missing connections. I'm tired of trying so hard and nothing to show for it. I'm tired of feeling desperate and alone. I'm tired of the hate, for myself, of others. I'm tired of not working towards a goal.
Meaningless survival is just that, meaningless. Without purpose we cannot thrive. Without direction, we cannot succeed. Without support, we falter. Without love, we are lost. Without hope, we die.
I've never been an extremely motivated or dedicated person. But that little that did exist in me feels gone. The tiny flame that would burn through high winds and treacherous storms is waning.
Not much is left in me, but the air I breathe.
Maybe the force of will I once had isn't lost, maybe it is just hidden, afraid, waiting. I can't coax it into the light. Lead it away from darkness. It is lost inside me, not lost to me.
However I do fear if things don't change, it will not matter. I dread these days to come. I only hope that when the new sun rises, the warmth I once knew will ignite the flame inside me.
This endless rain in my soul is all but drowned me. Do I have the strength?
Do I have the will to survive?
Do I want to?
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