Yes, No, Maybe?

To you:

I've got something I want to tell you but I'm afraid It'll cause more problems than it's worth. Over the past month or so I've seen you in a different light and think I'm developing something for you. I know right off there are two huge problems. I'm not saying this because I think it will matter or that things will change but I hate not saying things that are on my mind. That's why I'm telling you now. Now that I'm gone and nothing will come of it, negative or positive.

I assume you will be flattered and just dismiss this since that is common for me. I assume you might even be largely against the notion and decry this, but still I wanted to let you know.

I don't say this to start drama or put a wedge between you and yours but to ease my own mind. Which is somewhat selfish as I know presenting feelings like these causes repercussions in the receiver. Perceptions change and it can cause a rift when things were fine and normal between us. I struggled with this for a few weeks because I was weary about telling you this. At first I said flat out, no I won't, since it won't matter. Strictly for the two huge problems sake.

I don't even think anything between us would be fruitful anyway. Not in your respect but in mine. I would be distracted and disheartened by the current circumstances surrounding you. The arrangements you are currently in and the company you keep. It would most likely cause me more heartache than you would cause me solace and peace of mind.

I tried to reconcile these feelings but I must present them to you. They are futile and fleeting but I've gone through life with unspoken feelings before and for a split second I figured what could it hurt, then remembered the pain and discomfort I endured from the past year.

I've also asked myself If this is even genuine or just a product of desperation to latch onto another human being. If what I feel would even last more than a few months. What would a relationship with you consist of? Double dates, where I'd want to slit my own throat? Time spent at your house where i'd want to escape?
Even if we joined in a mutual relationship there'd be that aspect of your life I can't reconcile. The part of my life that I can't reconcile. It causes me pain and I can't wait to be away from it. I hope to be gone from it for the rest of my life to tell you the truth. Not to sound harsh or weak, but It will be best for my well being. It's not the first time I've had to run away to feel better and it probably won't be the last.

So I've decided to keep these thoughts from you. To keep these fleeting feelings to myself until they pass. I hope they pass. You don't deserve the burden and I don't deserve the pain.

Just let us say our goodbyes when the time comes and forget about each other as you were not a huge part in my life nor I in yours.