JC is my savior! No... NOT Jesus Christ or the Guy from Nsync.

Sadly enough this blog's not to hurt you. Just to show the world that I'm not who I used to be.

So today, Sunday May 16th, 2010, I stayed in bed from 1:30pm to 6:45pm. I went to bed at around 1:30am last night and woke up at 8:30am today. I've never been this tired in my life. Why in the hell did I sleep for five hours!? I think I'm depressed. :(

I wrote myself a note and hid it from myself to find whenever I move out of housing. It is the first note I've written to myself about life and who I am to try and change who I've become.

I feel like I'm hitting my head on a brick wall and my heart has been the one bleeding, but I think my head is starting to follow suit. Last night I hallucinated that spiders were coming down from the ceiling. I freaked out swatted at them and yelled. My roommate Q asked if I was okay. I closed the door turned the light on and looked for the spiders. There was nothing there. I opened the door and told him I was fine. That same night I had a nightmare about being attacked by spiders. One almost killed me before I woke up.

I haven't had a spiders nightmare in a few years. They are the one worldly thing I'm terrified of and they only haunt me every once in a while when things get really bad.

(Sigh) I don't know what I should do. I feel alone recently. What should I do to remedy this?