Say you'll love me either way.....

So I think I'm that rebound guy. As far as I can remember I haven't dated a girl that wasn't still in rebound mode.

Sam just got out of an engagement. Hannah was about to go back to Kevin. Nikki was dating some weird guy. And I don't even care to remember Lilli's situation cause she was crazy.

Oh and Olivia. She had broken up with her boyfriend five days before I met her. FIVE DAYS!

RED FUCKING FLAG MATT MEAD GOD DAMN!

What is it about me that attracts girls on the rebound? Is it because I'm the nice guy? The kinda cute harmless guy?

I'm not sure but it works for whoever needs me for two months, a month, a week, or three days. Depending.

But what should I expect? I alienate girls against me all the time. I don't know when to stop talking. I'm just the desperate romantic that gets excited when a girl accepts a friend request on facebook.

I'm literally pathetic. Wow, I can't believe how far down I've traveled after the whole NC encounter. I dove face first into the dream future I created with what I had down there. I realized too late that it was just a dream and I landed face first into reality so hard I didn't really have the time to take the normal steps witnessed from a failed relationship, or failed attempt at a future relationship.

I didn't break down, feel sorry for myself. I put myself in rebound mode.

But here is the paradox.

A Rebound guy can't go on the Rebound. Especially me. I have such high standards. I can't actually be around MY rebound pool. Because with a rebound pool you lower your standards and take someone that you know won't hurt you because they are usually so desperate they will try their hardest not to hurt the person.

Since I'm in the general rebound pool MY rebound pool is even lower still. It would hurt my pride and my ego to date someone from my rebound pool, if that even exists.

So far I can't tell what kind of girls I attract because all my ex's and Olivia are so different I can't make a generalization on what type of girl I should go after or try to look for.

And I know, I shouldn't LOOK but hey I'm a lonely person that thrives on that kind of attention. Of course I'm going to spend time looking for that which I feel I need. So that old saying, "You'll find someone when You're not looking" just doesn't work for me.

However, being a rebound guy, as I feel I am, I can't ever get a legitimate relationship. Because girls on the rebound use rebound guys as a soft transition either into single life or another more legitimate relationship with someone more in their range. Someone more suited for longevity. Be it related to personal belief, proximity, or just because they need someone they actually like enough to be in a relationship with.

Not to say Hannah wasn't a real relationship to me. But hey she broke up with me, TWICE. So someone didn't want this to go any further.

I just feel that I look in the wrong places. I go after girls that want to be single. Girls that just want to be my friend. Girls that I know have no feelings for me whatsoever. I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope.

I want to quit looking and just worry about more important things.

I just want that person to talk to. That person I care about and that I know cares about me, and only me.

"Well I'm about to spend my cold life cutting corners and placing blame. Any moment this could catch fire erasing all the stains. So here's to starting over. We could be the same, we'll change it all together."- Jonny Craig, Emarosa