Tripp Lake 2016

(I started this in 2016 but never finished it)

How can I best describe my summer? It started out shitty before I got the call from Tripp to be a counselor. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with my time. I was still pining over a girl that would turn out to be a waste of my attention and I was wallowing in my rut.

When I got the call from Tripp I was in a supply closet and I jumped from excitement. The person I was with was confused but I told her and her first comment was "You better come back!"

Tripp Lake Camp, what I've been eluding to, is a girls summer camp in Poland, ME. Yes, Maine. 16 hours away from my house up in the woods, as my friend puts it, the Great White North. A year prior my friend Tony went to the camp and the following year he asked me to apply as he thought I'd be a good fit. That I'd get a lot out of it and appreciate it.

The phone call came in May but I applied back in March. Once the opportunity first arose I was super excited and ready to go do it that weekend. As time went on though my negativity rose and I wanted to withdraw my application and just fall down into my hole. Luckily, for my negative side, I didn't get a call like I thought I would and the feeling subsided. I made plans for that summer, shitty though they might be, and was set when that phone call came.

I told my bosses at the library and they agreed it was a good experience not to let slip by. They granted me time off to pursue it as now my mind was back to being excited. I had my interview and accepted the position as Archery counselor.

"Archery? Wait what? Do you even know how to shoot a bow?" - everyone I told.

Yes I do. Not very well and for not very long but yes. Plus I had the power of the internet to learn what I didn't know. I spent the next month until June 13th learning as much as I could about Archery (Thank you Nusensei) and felt prepared enough to go.

I left my house at 5am on June 13th and arrived at my Aunt's house in Connecticut that night. After skipping all the tolls and almost having a panic attack because of Maryland's roads, I made it to my first stop that summer.

I spent the next day visiting my cousin, her child and husband and shopping with my uncle. It was nice to be away from home and with other family. By this point my negativity was mostly gone, probably still stuck in my room at home.

After one more night I set out to Maine. The four and a half hour drive up through Mass, past Boston, NH, and then finally getting into Maine. I remembered cash this time and paid my tolls, slowly making my way north from Portland not knowing what to expect or what I'd see. After almost pulling onto Tripp Lake Rd (not the right road) I made my way to Tripp Lake CAMP Rd. (the right road) and made my first of what would be many trips up and down that road. (Author's Note: When I typed trips just then I put two p's.)

I pulled into the visitor parking and sat for a second. It was all quiet and I was worried that I'd be wandering around. There was no one to greet me, not that I called ahead. I got out of my car and started to walk down towards the front gate, stopped, realized I should probably bring my paperwork with me and went back to my car. Thankfully, either through age or my new found nihilism no dread or nervousness overcame me.

I retrieved my paperwork and walked onto campus for the first time.

I saw a group of three girls walking towards me and they came to my aid as they could see the level of confusion on my face at how lost I was. They pointed me in the right direction and went with me inside.

One of the girls, Emmy, said "You're Matt aren't you?" I said yes, and she responded, "Yes I knew it." And from that moment I felt at ease, that I wasn't in a foreign place anymore. Just that simple interaction set my mind from reeling at feeling like a fish out of water. They knew me, at least she did, someone whom I hadn't met yet. And she was nice.

The next few days progressed rather quickly (like the majority of the summer), I met a large swath of people from around the US and abroad, mostly British men and women, and started to feel more and more that I had entered into a new life. A new life so far removed from the bad thoughts and things I had back home.

Even before the girls arrived at the camp I started to feel myself changing, growing and seeing myself in a new light. Seeing myself through the other counselors eyes.

The summer wasn't devoid of stress however, I woke up many nights in a confused state thinking I had forgotten to do something for the kids and woke up my bunk mates many times. I also didn't escape completely from my darkness, still thinking negatively, and how this might be my last summer alive.

Thankfully, through new friends, I felt a great change in my heart that would eventually evolve to destroy that darkness inside me for good.

I woke up most days feeling refreshed and ready for a brand new day, without the old feeling of dread. I lost a lot of weight, felt my confidence grow and witnessed slowly but surely a new chapter in my life begin.

Tripp Lake Camp saved me from my darkness in 2016. I have a lot to live for now because of it. New friends, new family, new people that I love with my whole heart.