Only Death Awaits

I don't wish to burden those I love with my woes. I have many and they weigh more than I can handle. The logical thing would be to ask for help. And I've done as much but that help has only gotten me so far. It seems I need to start moving forward under my own power but I feel as if that power is lost to me.

I've lost my will to live. Seeing that my life will only be these woes over and over again. I wish to end my life and rid myself of them.

I've done things, I've made friends, I've had love, and I've done good, but that's not enough to keep me moving now. I've been in my own way for the majority of my life and now I see that the only way to get rid of that is to get rid of myself.

I know there will be those who mourn my death. I apologize for that. I don't want to hurt you, I simply want to end my own hurt.

I have become a stain upon my own life. A do nothing, with no future, with no capability for longevity and a failure time and time again.

The last one I loved is better off without me. The friends I have are better off without me. My family is better off without me.

I am nothing but a sack of meat with too many woes. Fear of failures that repeat again and again.

I've lost my willingness to try again. To start again. To live again.

As I wither away I contemplate my own death. How will I achieve this final failure? Since isn't that what suicide is? Succumbing to pain and disdain. Pain of life and disdain for oneself and the life they inhabit?

Not being able to overcome oneself to see a future. To walk the path. To care.

I've lost my desire to care. I've lost my willingness to strive for new heights. I've lost my will.

If it was possible I'd will my heart to stop beating. I'd switch my brain and body off like a light and turn to dust.

But that isn't possible so I must take more drastic measures. I must spill blood in one way or another. And cause great pain to end all pain.

My pain. My failures.

I am not worthy of the rewards I have been bestowed. I will never be worthy. So I must take myself out of the running.

I will end my life, one day. When, I cannot say. Sooner rather than later, at least I hope.