Mentored by the Universe

I've realized I sort of idolize my male friends that are a few years older than me.

I don't really have an older sibling and having male role models have been always been a problem for me in my life, aside from my uncle, and I seem to always look up to the other men I meet that are a few years older. Now that I'm in my mid twenties it's men I meet that are around thirty.

I had a boss at my last job I looked up to like a big brother and a few coworkers I looked up to as well. I can't remember it being for any specific reason though. Just the fact they were older and possibly more experience in life.

I've been a terrible big brother to my brother and I know that he doesn't look up to me. I've never been a role model for him so I don't know what a positive version of a big brother is supposed to be. I guess I look up to these people because my dad was useless as a role model and I sort of wish I had a big brother. Someone I could hangout with and look up to and feel secure around.

I just wish I could have been that for my brother.

Life never works out the way you want or for the reasons you want.