I was born in New England to parents from New England and was raised by a family of a mentality born in that area. I was brought to a place starkly different in attitude and appeal. Having lived the majority of my life in Kentucky I never truly feel like I'm where I belong while I'm here.
I've heard from many different people that this isn't the place for me. That I should get out and go somewhere else, someplace where the people are more like me.
"You're a creative type, this isn't the place for you."
"You don't think like the people here."
"Just go man. Just get up and go."
To where shall I go? Back to where I'm "from"? Or attempt to plant my roots in another altogether new place?
Or should I attempt to make this place I've occupied home? No. I don't think so. The idea of staying here any longer is crippling to me. Not so long ago I was resolved to throw a dart at the map and leave for that destination with no plan for return lest I fail outright.
Even then, who knows.
I failed to take that leap and instead spent some time back in New England. In the woods. Learning about myself. Learning what seeds I have stored up, that I hope to sow. Taking time to figure out what will make me happy.
Is happiness in Kentucky? No.
Is solace in Kentucky? No.
Is my future in Kentucky? No.
Still the question remains: Where will I go?
I've been tempted to return to New England. Last year: because of a girl. This year: because of a girl and possibly more. Next year? Who knows?
All I know now is that I need to start setting things up so I can get the fuck out of here sooner than later.
"I'd love nothing more than
To pull up my roots and replant
Myself in much richer grounds
Shed the dead limbs and re-grow new"
The Lighthouse by Jamie's Elsewhere
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