To put temptation inside another person for your own selfish gain is detestable. Yet, I still do these things. In the quiet of nighttime I let words slip from my lips that betray my true thoughts. Thoughts I normally keep locked up behind stoic inhibition. A calm dismissal of feelings and a resolution to be alone.
Having let my words slip has been a solace and a quiet curse. Before their birth from my mind into the air, you were nothing more than a fleeting idea. Concrete now, you manifest inside my mind and heart.
It would be you. If I had my way, it would be you and me. Two positive agents against the world, sharing the same heart.
Finally finding someone who understands, who would be a partner and not just a crutch. Sadly, life isn't as cut and dry as we'd like it to be. Who would I be to try and tempt you out of your current convictions to entertain the ideas of my futures?
And with these ideas, come doubts. If I was successful in tempting you would I fulfill the promise my heart is ready to profess? All of my being save a small sliver says yes, but the sliver's tiny voice echoes longer. Echoing a cry of failure and pain.
My greatest fear with you or anyone is that love will end, and it will end in the worst possible circumstances. That I would eventually succumb to my unworthiness. All the negativity I've built up inside wouldn't defuse but increase and explode at the worst possible moment.
"True love" is meant for fairy-tales. Real love is a struggle. A struggle I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to endure no matter the person involved.
That is my fear. With fear I also have hope. With doubt I have love.
"Just to clarify....it's you."
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