Snapshot

It was an almost moldy taste in his mouth now. How, he wondered, could two different cups of coffee differ so much in quality? Had he made it with the last of his own stash instead of sneaking some of his roommates would he still be dissatisfied? Perhaps its the karma of having "borrowed" some from her. He took another sip and grimaced, forcing himself to swallow, telling himself he needed the caffeine to function. He felt his left eyelid droop as he suffered through the lukewarm liquid. He was sitting silently at the small dining room table attempting to gain some warmth from the liquid and preserve what was left from his bed still stuck to his skin, but the cold was wicking it away rapidly. He felt the chill in his fingers and toes and scoffed at the faint idea of turning the heater on. He couldn't afford it, he'd just have to suffer.

It had been three months since he had felt any sense of warmth for more than fleeting moment in the mornings. He had tried to prepare himself for the winter that was now upon him but it's hard to prepare for a Montana winter when you're used to the heat of Florida. He had to stop himself from checking the weather back there as the snow fell silently outside, as to insulate himself from the regret of moving up here. The pangs were small though since in his mind he knew he had made the right choice. He couldn't tell you where the desire came from but he had really wanted this, even yearned for a chance to escape to the uncharted wilderness of northern Montana and leave the bayous and beaches of Florida behind. Sitting now, crippled by sleepiness and the encroaching cold he thought back to the first time he saw something that resembled the world right outside his window. When he was a child, home sick from school, with his grandmother he saw an episode of Painting with Bob Ross. Ross was painting with a limited pallette for a colorblind viewer or so he described and subsequently painted a snow covered masterpiece not unlike the view Ryan saw from his apartment now. That image had stuck with him and his fascination with the beauty of the snow covered world drew him farther and farther from home.

It was rough going at first but now he was mostly settled. The toll of major life changes came in waves over him as the days had passed. He had imagined things being certain ways, circumstances setting up certain outcomes, but those outcomes hadn't come. Now, sitting at this table in the lingering cold he had to reevaluate things and shift his focus.